The hardest part of ending is starting again…

Someone just mentioned Juliette et Chocolat to me. Instantly, my mind flashed to our first date. To you.

I’ve been good lately, but today is hard.

I miss you.

What It Feels Like

I should be happy for her… I should be ecstatic. After all these years of dating douche bags, she’s finally found someone who treats her well and is hopelessly devoted to her. And finally, he’s as attractive as she is. I should be jumping out of my fucking shoes with joy! She’s my best friend. I care for her well-being and happiness.

But all I want to do is cry when she talks about him. All I want to do is tell her “SHUT THE FUCK UP” because I can’t handle it. My heart hurts at the very thought of their relationship. Not even because she talks about him all the time, or shares really private details. None of that. She knows the wound is still fresh for me so she refrains as much as she can… She’s such a good friend. I wish I could express exultation at her situation.

Alas, I can’t… because I’m too depressed about my own.

An Ocean of Violence

Every time I hear or read of anything related to Australia and Vancouver, I just can’t feel the same joy that I once did. I actually feel sick to my stomach instead. Too much hurt associated to places that used to fascinate me. How cruel, right? 85% of my days, I am OK, sometimes good even. But the other 15% of the time, I am struggling through the ocean of memories, and my whole system takes a really bad beating.

But at least I am getting better, right? I don’t cry anymore, even though there are moments when the mood does strike. I just have to remind myself that I am the only one who really matters.

Mmm, 7 months from now, I’ll know for sure.

Remember Me As A Time Of Day

In the end, it’s every man fending for himself. I have to focus on myself, feeling good without needing anybody else. I have to make myself happy before anyone else can make me happy.

It still hurts to think of him; eating lunch with him on Saturday was the biggest of tortures yet the sweetest of reliefs. But every day is getting better. Eventually he’ll be out of my mind, or at least out of my heart. I’ll be good again.

Can’t wait.

They Say Bad Things Happen For A Reason

I can’t deny my excitement for tomorrow any longer. I have no expectations, however. Being in his presence again will be enough to make me happy.

Yay!